Wednesday, December 11, 2013

I Nose What You Did Last Summer



Runny noses are kind of bullshit.

The entire point of snot is to prevent the bad stuff from going up my nose – so why does my body turn into a snot factory when I’m already sick?  Is it guilt?  “NAH, MAN – I’VE BEEN MAKING PLENTY OF SNOT.  LOOK AT ALL THIS STUFF.  I GOT SNOT COMING OUT OF MY…WELL, I’VE GOT A LOT OF IT.  YOU MUST HAVE GOTTEN SICK SOME OTHER WAY.  BLAME MOUTH.  YOU SEE THE STUFF HE PUTS IN HIMSELF?”

For how complicated the human body is constructed, there sure are a lot of design flaws.  Why does your body get weaker or swell or get a fever to tell you something is wrong?  “Hey dude – some shit is screwed up in here so I’ve made you exponentially weaker to help you fix it.”  Your body might as well start hitting you with your own hands and then scream, “STOP HITTING YOURSELF!  STOP HITTING YOURSELF!” 

Sometimes I feel like my body and my brain are fighting.  My brain is pissed my body is sick and trying to figure out who to blame.  My nose invites some slutty virus up there and catches the head cold version of the clap and is trying to cover his tracks by throwing snot around like a parade. 

In the end I know my nose is doing something stupid whenever I get sick and it starts running, I just can’t catch it. 

1 comment:

Riley Schwarcz said...

And then you sneeze and your body's all like "AHAHAHAHA SUCK ON THAT, I'VE BEEN COLLECTING ALL THAT CRAP JUST TO EXPEL IT ALL OVER THE FOOD YOU'VE BEEN PREPARING FOR THREE HOURS FOR THE DINNER PARTY YOU'RE HOSTING!"

Or maybe that's just me.