Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Snow Excuse

I can't wait for the snow. I hope we get 48 inches in January. I hope it never stops snowing from January through March. Know what would be even better?

Freezing rain. Non-stop. In fact, I hope my front door freezes shut.

While everyone else in Cleveland is saying, "Whoa is me! It is so cold and snowy! Whatever shall I do!"

I know what I'll be doing.

Nothing.

I'll be on the couch, under a nice warm blanket watching a marathon of something on the History Channel that I have no intention of remembering or putting to any use.

And you will have no good reason for me to do otherwise.

You can't tell me it's a beautiful day.

You can't tell me I should be working on the yard.

It will even be too cold to sit in Marissa Miller's bushes and watch her read the newest issue of Better Homes and Gardens.

Snow is the "I have a headache" season. It is the perfect excuse. It is "my dog ate it" and "my back is out" rolled into one. It is like "I have to work" with a side of "I have to watch the kids".

Snow is Mother Nature's way of ignoring your phone calls.

I can't wait for the snow and all of the nothingness that it brings. If it snows on Christmas, I don't care if I am on Santa's Naughty list. If I get nothing, I will get everything I need.

And if you want me to come out and have a snow ball fight?

Sorry, I have a headache.

And my back is out.

And I have to work while I watch the kids.

...and my dog ate it.

8 comments:

Ed Adams said...

I plan on giving the wife 48" in January.

Of course, it'll be in 2" increments.




P.S. Verification word is "whanks"
Do they know me or what?

Moooooog35 said...

I also plan on giving Ed's wife 48" in January.

Allison M. said...

I heart snow days.

Matt said...

Im sorry dude but I have to call shenanigans on this post.

You know what happens during the winter when you own your own place? Pipes burst, furnaces stop working for no reason at all and SHOVELING YOUR DRIVEWAY SUCKS.

Matt said...

and did you know you can get fined, actual money, for NOT shoveling your walkway?

just throwing that out there. Food for thought.

zwinggi said...

i love the snow. everything about it. it's instant small talk without uncomfortable silences. it's everyone being miserable, but i'm not, and secretly enjoying their annoyance. i even love when it takes over an hour to get to the office that is 20 minutes away, because i just don't care about getting in. it's skiing for people near mountains, and cool pictures for mountain challenged ohians. snow rocks. balls. i just wish al gore would fix this global warming shit and get us a few more inches a year. ed's wife will certainly appreciate it.

Mike said...

Ed beat me to the 48" joke. You really draw some strange people here.

"Sorry, I have a headache."

I just read the sex fixes headaches. Really. Really I read it anyway.

LBluca77 said...

You east coasters defiantly have us west coasters beat when it comes to snow. We don't get snow days. If we want snow we have to drive two hours to the mountains and then most likely it's fake snow.