My hatred for Christmas has been discussed.
But let's take a deeper dive at the Czar of Christmas Spirit - ol Santa Claus.
Or should I say - Chris Kringle?
Or perhaps, Jolly ol St. Nick?
I'm on to you, fatty.
Know who else needs an alias? Criminals. And strippers.
And I hope to god Santa isn't a stripper. Mostly because I am out of $1 bills and the ATM charges like $10 to take money out. Daddy needs a lap dance!
So that leaves a criminal. Who would have thought that a giant fat man that climbs into your chimney when you are sleeping and lets little kids sit on his lap would be a criminal??? I know, right?
The only other explanation is that he is a super hero, and Chris Kringle is to Santa Claus as Peter Parker is to Spiderman. Or Clark Kent is to Superman.
Or maybe he is just some old guy with no real super powers whatsoever.
In which case Chris Kringle would be to Santa Claus as Bruce Wayne is to Batman.
I still wouldn't sit on either of their laps.