I don't know if you were paying attention, Clevelanders, but it is winter. If you are unfamiliar with Cleveland winters, the sky is gray 98% of the time. It is like George Clooney's hair without all the sex appeal.
So, Cleveland Ladies, why are you all so tan? Why do some of you look like oompa loompas? I know playing pretend is fun, but you are in your mid-20's and it is 15 fucking degrees - maybe you shouldn't be at the tanning booth.
More than anything it is a safety concern. What if the abominable snowman comes? Where is your orange ass going to hide? I'm going to be so pale I'll just lay down in the snow and he will walk right past. He may think, "Wow that snow has a lot of chest hair" but I still think I'll be safe.
You on the other hand, look like a giant orange Skittle. I can't blame the guy for eating you - hell - I want to eat you. Taste the rainbow. Your best bet is that he hopes you are a carrot; because carrots suck and the abominable snowman does not waste his time on suck.
Or you could just realize you live in the midwest during the winter and not bake your skin. Unless it is just to even yourself out - no one wants to see your snowsuit tanlines.