Monday, September 28, 2009

Job Security

Promotions are awesome. They make you feel important and normally come with more money. Also, you get new business cards to have but not know when to give to people.

But with the new title comes responsibility. As you get promoted you are asked to make more important decisions and be able to think critically about the company as a whole.

I think I am ready for a promotion...

...in my relationship.

Can I move up to "Senior Boyfriend" or "VP of Boyfriend Affairs"?

What will that get me? Am I allowed to watch more MacGyver reruns? Can I have entire meals made of bacon? Do I not have to explain why I'm pantless and 4 beers deep by noon on a Saturday?

Why do guys have a glass ceiling in relationships? How do I get talked into dress pants and argyle socks but my recommendation for nipple tassels falls on deaf ears?

I don't even necessarily need a huge promotion - how about I become more specialized; "Director of Remote Controls". Project Runway is OUT, Honey, there is a special on bear attacks.

Unfortunately there is a recession in girls that put up with talking exclusively about sports and zombies so I have to just be happy I am employed. I wouldn't want to cause a stir and get demoted down to just "friend".

Well, unless I got to keep the benefits.

18 comments:

moooooog35 said...

Be careful what you wish for.

In getting your promotion, they may give you more up front, but they take away more on the back end.

Literally.

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

hmmm. i may have to call your lady friend and see if you deserve this promotion.

Ben said...

I hear the contract associated with higher positions is an absolute bitch.

Liebchen said...

I got distracted by the mention of MacGyver reruns...are they really still on? Don't tease.

M said...

Got be careful about keeping your benefits...COBRA is expensive ;).

heidikins said...

Haha, this is about 18 different kinds of Awesome. ;o)

xox

shine said...

Could I please meet a man (and yes, I said man) who wants to talk about sports and zombies? PLEASE?

badmuthafudruckers said...

What kind of benefits package are we looking at here?

Violet said...

ok, I was finishing reading your post (at work ofcourse!) and I heard someone walk into the office, so I got up to go to the front desk and never took my eyes off the screen and nearly fell on my ass!

speaking of promotion, I just promoted my friend to boyfriend, with more benefits! Yeah, he's lucky to have me!

Andhari said...

LOL just like girls who can get their men to do anything, you should ask for relationship promotion slowly. Suggest skimpy lingerie a la tila tequila first is a good idea!

Marie said...

But what have you done to deserve a promotion? I bet you that's what she'll ask you.

Anonymous said...

only the boss can give you a promotion....way to lose that battle gay! The next step you have is marriage = demotion.

longredcape said...

I think they call that promotion... "fiancé."

Sorry. Probably not what you wanted to hear...

Ed Adams said...

I would definitely see if there is an incentive package or sign-on bonus. Let out you demands (more pussy, less nagging) upfront, and stick to your guns (remote privileges, bacon stipends). This is your future your dealing with here.

Toe said...

What your girlfriend didn't come with nipple tassels already? Did you put that in the job description? Seriously I think you posted the initial help wanted ad wrong.

Maxie said...

I can't top moog. I can never top moog. No matter how much I want to top moog...

how did that get so dirty?

just a girl... said...

I can't get past the bacon part. What is it with men and bacon.

Sid said...

Dude. I'd totally want a guy who could talk about Zombies.