I think history romanticizes the Boston Tea Party a little too much.
Can you imagine how pissed those guys had to be? They get all bombed up on beer and then head out and dump all the tea into the water. Yay! Happy good times! Lets dress up like Indians and break shit! Yippee!
But then the next morning they wake up with giant headaches and their wives all want them to take them out to breakfast but there is NO TEA. NO CAFFEINE ANYWHERE.
I don't think they thought that one through. I think the entire revolution against the red coats was based on the fact that the Americans were cranky as hell from not having any caffeine.
I can just see an early American sitting at his day job without any caffeine and a red coat walks up -
"JESUS man - could your coat BE any brighter? I'm trying to fucking work and you come prancing around in your goddamn neon coat. It's fucking 8am. EIGHT AM. Who the hell do you think you are? Fuck this, I'm revolting."
If you thought the prohibition was bad - imagine if they outlawed coffee. There would be checkpoints where officers would look into your eyes - "We've gotta user over here! It's not even 10am and this guy has an obvious will to live! CUFF HIM!"
Imagine the suicide rate on Monday mornings if there was no caffeine. It would be 100%. Nuclear war is less of a threat than losing all caffeine. An asteroid the size of Mars doesn't scare me as much as someone killing Juan Valdez.
Aliens would come to our planet the day after the end of caffeine and just find millions of people hung by their neckties. Or stabbed to death with their high heels.
And they would be PISSED they couldn't get a cup of Starbucks.