My body is in such bad shape I throw my back out trying to rub my shoulder after throwing my arm out. My knees have about as much strength as Roseanne in a buffet line and when my stomach disagrees with me like we are part of the British Parliament.
I'm far-sighted and nearly overweight; left handed but not right in the head. I have had braces and cavities and pallet expansion OH MY! An extra vertebrae, missing wisdom teeth, hay-fever, migraines and a chiropractor on speed dial.
I'm a lemon.
I'm 25 years old and have MAYBE 3-4 good years left in me. After that I am retiring and heading off to the nursing home - where I am going to fucking dominate your grandpa in Wii bowling.
Yes, my time on this earf is almost over. It's been a good run. Had some ups. Had some downs. Touched a boob once in the 90's (it was soft) and have seen every episode of Saved by the Bell (including the Malibu Sands episodes - but not the college years - I'm not a freak.)
When I look back I have very little to regret.
But now I need to figure out how to kick the bucket.
Do I ride off into the sunset?
Dramatic sacrificial death like Leo in Titantic or Bruce in Armageddon?
I haven't worked out the details yet, but I think I want to be at the bar and tell an absolutely HILARIOUS joke and then just BAM! Spontaneously combust. Like a magician - a puff of smoke and all that is left is a pair of shoes and some smoke.
Everyone will be amazed and still wiping the tears from their eyes because they were laughing at my joke so hard.
Except your grandpa - he'll still be salty about the Wii thing.