Girls, we know what you want.
We know EXACTLY what you are doing.
But goddamn if we aren't too competitive to care.
You have one of "those" days - a day where you feel chubby or your sexy jeans don't fit quite right. So as you pout you look at us and lay a bear trap the size of Tom Cruise's crazy -
"How much do you think I weigh?"
Damn you, Devil Woman.
We know what you want - and you think it is easy. All we have to do is guess some number that is probably 10-15 lbs less than you weight. We can't guess TOO low or it is obvious we are sucking up - but we have to be sure it is at least 10 lbs less than you actually weigh.
But here is the problem - guys don't know how to completely give up. You challenged us - you asked us a question and goddamn if we aren't going to answer it.
You see, guys are addicted to competition - and just by ASKING that question, you are an enabler.
Do you think when Dan Marino's wife asks him how much he weighs he just backs down and guesses some wrong number? Fuck no! Dan takes a 5-step drop and launches a 60 yard touchdown pass. Then he cures cancer.
Do you think that Les Stroud just backs off when his wife asks him if she still fits into those sexy jeans? Wrong - he makes a canoe out of an elephant carcass, arm wrestlers an alligator and stops smoking cold turkey.
Because we are guys - and our biggest weakness is not boobies - it is competition. You can't throw out a question and not expect me to give 110% to nail that bad boy on the head. I'm not here to make friends, I'm here to win meaningless competitions that wield absolutely no prize.
So you can get mad, and pout and make me sleep on the couch - but I'll still be a Man.
Just like Dan Marino.