Monday, January 5, 2009

Top 5 Karaoke Weirdos From Saturday Night

5. Metal Guy.

I'm pretty sure you swallowed the mic. And it is called, "head banging" - I'm fairly certain you don't bend at the waste and keep your entire upper-half stiffer than Fred Durst's career. No one saw "Faith" coming when you walked up with your backwards red hat, either Chief.

4. Ex-Theater Major.

We get it. You like to dance, have lots of girls that are 'just friends' and can't get enough of jazz hands. Now go away. No one should have that many choreographed dances prepared.

3. Tone Deaf

Arnold Swarzenegger has more inflection in his voice than you. Unless you are doing The Terminator's version of "Picture" by Sheryl Crow - then bravo, Sir, you nailed it.

2. Commentary Girl.

You are the John Madden of karaoke. Please just sing the song and don't worry about filling every second of time with useless comments. It shouldn't bother me as it is hard to hear you over the voice in my head screaming "STAB HER! STAB HER!" but it is still rather annoying.

1. Whitney Houston Guy.

I have to admit something - your rendition of "I Will Always Love You" kicked ass. But that falsetto thing you have going on made me feel weird inside. You are the 6'3" bastard child of Wayne Brady and Clay Aiken with the mannerisms of Christina Aquilera. And I'm not so sure the townies enjoy Whitney Houston - you are lucky they are still outside beating up Ex-Theater Major.

33 comments:

Ben said...

"Ohmygod! Hahahahahahaha The words keep coming! Ohmygod! Does this mean I have to break? Oh wait! The words are coming again! Hahahahaha!"

Good call on that girl. I would've overlooked her.

Bethie said...

"the 6'3" bastard child of Wayne Brady and Clay Aiken with the mannerisms of Christina Aquilera"

that's just the most scary/beautiful sight I've heard described in a long while

moooooog35 said...

What?!

No "Inflatable Guitar Player Guy with Signature Behind-the-head Move?"

What kind of cut-rate karaoke bar IS THIS?!?

Maxie said...

You forgot the overly drunk one that thinks the microphone is a stripper pole.

Points to self.

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

so who are you?

Christina_the_wench said...

Do you own a camera phone? Where are the pics? We can do without video though.

Poetry Sue said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. just what I needed to start the day. a flash back to my drunken karaoke days

fiona said...

I am always fascinated by the "group" efforts. Propping each other up, fighting for the mic and there's always the bovine nerd in the background...amazing

Cecelia said...

this actually sounds like an interesting night at karaoke.. I've never experienced anything but drunk attention whores improvising the lyrics as they go along and hitting absolutely none of the notes..

Bon Don said...

Awesome! Why was this not video taped?

I haven't been to Karaoke in forever... I'm sad to think of all the choreographed dances I've been missing

Arjewtino said...

So there's a spot open for someone who poorly sings "Desperado" but thinks he's awesome?

Sweet.

Marie said...

So, um, which one would you be?

ANG* said...

oh karaoke...never a dull moment. then again, had i been there i may have made your list as "girl who sings early 90s song that people always forget about and then point and laugh at."

ANG* said...

not sure that even made sense. ughhhhh i like karaoke. do you really never sing?

surviving myself said...

#4 deserves to be beat up. But if someone can belt out Whitney, I ain't mad at 'em.

Allison M. said...

Um. Whitney Houston rocks.

rs27 said...

Don't knock the Whitney singer. that dude gets all the ladies.

I've heard.

Kellie said...

I'm w/ Maxie b/c the only way you'll catch me doing karaoke is when I'm overly intoxicated and at that point anything goes.

Chocobo said...

I've decided that I should perform an experiment one of these days:

I am going to attempt karaoke while sober.

If I do, I will keep you posted, but kids, do not try this at home.

Megkathleen said...

This is why I don't go to karaoke nights - I'd end up in jail after throwing my beer bottle at somebody's head.

TishTash said...

I know for sure now that you don't live in California because if you did, Old Filipino Guy Murdering Frank Sinatra would've nabbed at least 3rd place.

Giggle Pixie said...

Whitney Houston Guy totally deserved an ass kicking. I'm only 5'0", but I would have gladly bit his ankles until he hobbled off-stage. Asswipe.

c.watson said...

Well were there anyones that you actually liked? And did you fall into a certain category?

Deutlich said...

This is why I don't go to karaoke bars

Phil said...

I'm the white guy that jumps around when I do karaoke. I can't say for sure, but I'm 50% sure it's a crowd pleaser.

Matt said...

I want to go to karaoke with Arnold Swajkdnegger before I die. Its on my bucket list.

Yes, that is how you spell his last name.

catscratch said...

Oh hell ya!

I've got a karaoke freak blog with visual aids...
We have Johnny Cash.
We have Hank Jr.
We have some fluke of a dude who always sings mustang sally... ECH.

Himbo said...

Oh... we were @ the same bar on Saturday, hah? And wow, you caught all 5 of my performances.

You're welcome.

-Himbo

Kristen said...

I don't do Karaoke and I'm glad for it because these people frighten me.

saratogajean said...

What about the drunken white chick busting out some 50 cent (points to self)?

So@24 said...

Don't forget the fucker who ALWAYS has to sing Bohemiun Rapsody or Meatloaf's "I Would Do Anything For Love".

I fucking love those long-ass songs, but come on... show some karaoke etiquette

Greg said...

Oh the wonderful people we come across at karaoke night. Has anyone come across a person who sings "Put a Ring On It" and between lyrics actually tries to dance like she does in the music video? And not in a I'm-making-fun-of-it-like-on-SNL sort-of way?!?!

Lauren said...

The Theatre Major is always my favorite because even if he sucks, the dance moves are fantastic!