Sunday, December 7, 2008

Office Toy

I am ridiculously important. I type things and do the email and sometimes say things like "call of business", "integrated" and "cream AND sugar?".

With all this responsibility I have to have a vast array of tools at my fingertips. But all the staplers in the world can't compare to the most important piece of equipment - my office toy.

No, I don't mean that cute girl that sits three offices over - grow up, Reader. HR is reading this and they want to have a "talk" about your "behavior" involving "respect issues" and they don't approve of you saying, "that's not a Swingline in my pocket".

Currently, my office toy is one of those big binder clips. It isn't overly exciting but fits the needs of looking important while still being loud and annoying to co-workers - which, coincidentally, is my role in the office.

Past office toys have included - broken headphones, a Livestrong bracelet, a Gumby bendable action figure (not a doll) and one of those stress balls that looked exactly like a rock so I could throw to people and they would freak out that it was really heavy and then when they realized it was just foam would look really stupid.

But for every successful office toy there are mounds of failed objects. There was that highlighter back in June that always seemed to end up making my nose look really important and no one can forget the "Hole Punch Incident of '06". I guess office toys are a lot like bloggers, they are all over the office and very few of them work.

What is your office toy?

27 comments:

lacochran said...

I have a variety of toys in my office: multicolored rubberband ball, one of those wands with sparkly stuff suspended in goo in it, a couple squeezy toys, a nerf ball. Hm, maybe this is why people keep dropping by.

Note to self: hide toys.

Maxie said...

I have one of those stress balls that's shaped like Buddha. It's very cool. I also have two clear baby chicken boxes and a pinwheel. I like to be festive.

And a coffee mug that's growing mold. That's probably the best one.

moooooog35 said...

My office toy is Rauul, the washroom attendant.

While I'm pooing I sit there and yell:

"Rauuuuuul! Rauuuuul! I done and made a biggie!"

Rauul doesn't think it's funny, but I don't care. I mean, seriously...he's a fucking washroom attendant.

stealthnerd said...

Post-its. I loooove Post-its and I have a variety of sizes and colors.

I'm painfully nerdy.

Ashley said...

My office toys change often - part of the ADD that comes along with being in PR, or at least, that's what I tell myself. Right now it's a disco duck - for those who aren't familiar: a small plastic duck with two metal sensors on the bottom that when lit up and placed in water will blink for hours.

And like Maxie, I have a Buddha stress ball too!

Allison M. said...

maybe we should have stress balls?

surviving myself said...

I have no toys. Aside from the laughter inside of my heart.

Matt said...

Im glad you specified action figure and not a doll.


http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1377/977159315_f9c1780944.jpg

saratogajean said...

I want a Rauul. No one is there to appreciate my work poos other than me, and I am hard to impress.

LBluca77 said...

My office toys include a halloween skull with neon green hair that sheds and a light up my little pony that I got from a happy meal.

They keep me entertained for days.

Douchegirl said...

My office toys are my coworkers. Seriously, they crack me up so much and so often, I'm amused all day long.

HBee said...

Oh Yes! I had a pair of broken "cop" glasses that I would put on from time to time and say "Ma'm (or sir) PULL OVER." You know...b/c I was a cop, er...

Arjewtino said...

My Dust Off compressed gas duster that blows debris off my keyboard, desk, and tie.

SS+1 said...

I <3 the date stamper...it never gets old.

Molly said...

a speculum with a melted handle.

how it came to be melted is a tale for another day.

rs27 said...

Is porn a toy?

longredcape said...

I SO want one of those rock stress balls. That sounds like too much fun.

I use my DSLR camera as a toy to torture our secretary. It has a quick shutter speed, and last Friday I took 3 photos in rapid succession of her when she was yawning (she HATES it when I take her picture, so naturally I do it constantly), imported them to Photoshop, and made an animated .gif of the yawn. Yes, it was as awesome as it sounds.

Angela said...

There is a Loch Ness Desk Monster that I would like to get my hands on...

Oh, and my "word verification" today was Uphole. I thought you'd find that funny!

Nilsa said...

Hahaha - I love this post! My favorite office toy (just one?!) is my stuffed, smiley face soccer ball. When you throw it on the ground, it sings Ole, Ole Ole Ole. Ole. Ole. What I love about it is that it's loud enough that, one by one, I hear doors close. Some louder than others. hahaha.

Giggle Pixie said...

Office toys that annoy your coworkers? I think I love you.

Alexa said...

i have one of the best office toys EVER. it's a hand muscle grip. i have two of them actually and they are the bomb.

i also play with random stress balls and rubber bands. i like to flick them at people

catscratch said...

I have a case of staples. And three staplers.

I'm a freak.

Christina_the_wench said...

My student employees. I have three. They do my every bidding. *manical laugh*

jamie said...

Mine was a bouncy ball until my boss cut it in half for making too much noise. I threatened to sue her so she brought me PlayDoh--a quiet toy. So, it's currently PlayDoh.

fiona said...

I don't even have an office, let alone toys for one :(
Only thing close is my tack room and I do have a HUGE playball in there, does that count?

LiLu said...

I just started a new job and am split between two departments; hence, I have TWO desks to decorate. WTF? At least I can steal all these ideas from your comments!

Fizzgig said...

i have a bonefide red swingline stapeler that others love to steal because of office space. I have to inform them "this is my personal stapeler, not company owned" and then it becomes more of a joke. They are all haters.

The best toy is merriamwebster.com. Take notes. You look up words like asshole, dickhead, etc...and you have the computer "say it" in a really serious, professional tone, and leave them on peoples voicemails and try not to pee when you hear them get their voicemails.