Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Hugh Bastard!

I have super powers - super human strength, ability to fly (into a rage), I can even shoot a web (of lies) with my hands (on a keyboard).

But, much like my favorite super hero, Popeye, I need a catalyst to display these powers.

And my can of spinach is Hugh Jackman.

Stop it. Stop it right now. I hear you typing. I can feel it with my mind bullets.

"But Narm! Hugh Jackman is Wolverine!"

Bad Reader! Bad! I should rub your nose in the pile of crap that is Kate and Leopold.


Hugh Jackman is a goober - and I don't use that term lightly. He isn't a nerd. Being a nerd is excusable, if not useful. Nerds are full of useful knowledge and can fix my computer when I look up too much porn and get all those spyware things.

No, Hugh Jackman is a goober. He is the guy in high school that was into musicals. He is the guy that described all the cool sports like football and seal clubbing as "barbaric".

No, I'm not saying he is gay. I would never insult the gay community like that.

I'm not even saying he's British.

I'm just saying Hugh Jackman is a goober. And when I see him, I can't help but rip off my shirt and start throwing tanks. Don't be fooled by chest hair and Van Helsing - the mere sight of Hugh Jackman makes me breath fire and step on thousands of Japanese people.

Wait, Godzilla isn't a super hero. Mothra is.

Luckily for all of you who are getting concerned that I might throw a tank through your living room - my one weakness has already been discovered. The one thing that will stop me from popping off the "Sexiest Man Alive's" head like so many beer caps -

Isla Fisher.
I think I need to be alone for a few minutes.

29 comments:

Matt said...

Hugh Jackman will probably bang Isla tonight...

sorry. Just sayin.

Maxie said...

Isla Fischer is in my top 5 chicks I'd bang if I were a guy. Hooootttt

Kellie said...

Nope. Hugh is Hot. I'd bang him until there is nothing left except for a pile of goober. But I wouldn't call him a goober. Hot Damn.

Poetry Sue said...

Goober or no Goober. Hugh is Fucking Sexy. Yes I capitalized it. Sorry there Narm man but its the truth. And there isn't a woman on earth (gay or straight) who doesn't tear up and get all giddy while watching Kate and Leopold

Alexa said...

i dislike hugh as well and a goober is a great word for him. i'm thinking that it is his face, he has a small face for the size of his guns.

and isla is amazing. have you watched definitely, maybe yet? you must if you are a true fan.

Fizzgig said...

thats the girl from wedding crashers. If i didnt just watch that id never recoginze this girl.

hugh isnt manly enough for me. Like, kevin smith. theres a man!

I'd do the chick. I guess.

Marie said...

So is this a Woulda Wednesday on a Wednesday because I have to say I probably would do both. Yes both. I'm all sorts of straight, but Isla Fischer is one hot chick.

Bethie said...

The Borat comparisons are boundless.

As far as Would I Rather?
I think you're in the minority in your Hugh Hatred. Sorry dude.

lacochran said...

Was Popeye's enemy Bluto or Brutus? Or maybe both at different times? Jeez, that Olive Oyl got around.

Wishing you a Bluto- and/or Brutus-free 2009!

(Hope that wasn't too mushy. I get all emo at the new year.)

Rachel said...

Damnit. Goobers don't have claws.

I knew those claws weren't real!

Bon Don said...

How can anyone think seal clubbing is "barbaric"... I hate him now.

Hubby loves him some Isla Fisher too, she a hottie.

Megkathleen said...

You're just jealous because Hugh is damn sexy. He's the only reason Kate and Leopold is somewhat bearable if you mute it.

Angela said...

Is this a "would ya wednesday" post in disguise? Because I wouldn't go near him.

Heff said...

"Goober" is too soft a term for Jack-Man.

I prefer the term "Uber-Tool".

TishTash said...

Hmm...I usually like him. But that photo you dug up does have that NSYNC-y douchewaffliness to it.

c.watson said...

If you mute the sound he's not so bad.

LiLu said...

Hugh tries too hard.

Give me a Don Draper any day... *drool*...

Smash said...

Goober was the nickname my HS boyfriend gave me! I am insulted you used the term in this manner!!! haha.

Or maybe I need to find men with better nicknames for me... goober, garbage, baby bird lips... haha.

espressoshots said...

I cant believe Isla Fisher is, what, 30 years old?? :=O She was great in 'Wedding Crashers' ;-)

BTW congrats on the mention in Cleveland Magazine! This blog is awesome! :=D

Himbo said...

There is nothing barbaric in going out for a good night of dancing with seals!

Btw, Isla Fisher is hottt! I must have spent too much time under this rock because I don't know who she is. I'd definitely doer.

moooooog35 said...

I would like to be stranded on that Isla.

See what I did there?

Idiosynkrasia said...

your blog made me laugh out loud at work. not just laugh...but bust out laughing. you know, an unexpected loud burst of laughter that only seems to happen in quiet rooms and generally scares the shit out of people.

how embarrassing.

Himbo said...

Um... I think Idiosynkrasia said "laugh", but meant "fart". Just sayin.

Blogstiny said...

I'm not a fan of Hugh, Isla however...now I need a moment alone!

fiona said...

"I'm not even saying he's British".
What did I ever do to ya ? huh? huh?

catscratch said...

Blaspheme!!! Hugh is sooo hot. I just recently became smitten when I saw him in Australia. REEEOW!

But his hotness pails in comparison to yours.

Happy New Year!

HBee said...

What?

Hugh Jackman is freakin' hot. (Have you seen Australia?) If he's a goober then so am I.

HG @ making lemonade said...

have you seen Scrubs? cause Dr. Cox agrees with you on the Huge/Goober issue 100%.

also, you're HILARIOUS and i will be stopping by often.

ps i love that you used the term goober. and then explained it. ha.

Lauren said...

Please tell me you saw the clip of Hugh Jackman hosting the Tonys.

Oh man. He sings. And dances. So not masculine.