I have super powers - super human strength, ability to fly (into a rage), I can even shoot a web (of lies) with my hands (on a keyboard).
But, much like my favorite super hero, Popeye, I need a catalyst to display these powers.
And my can of spinach is Hugh Jackman.
Stop it. Stop it right now. I hear you typing. I can feel it with my mind bullets.
"But Narm! Hugh Jackman is Wolverine!"
Bad Reader! Bad! I should rub your nose in the pile of crap that is Kate and Leopold.
Hugh Jackman is a goober - and I don't use that term lightly. He isn't a nerd. Being a nerd is excusable, if not useful. Nerds are full of useful knowledge and can fix my computer when I look up too much porn and get all those spyware things.
No, Hugh Jackman is a goober. He is the guy in high school that was into musicals. He is the guy that described all the cool sports like football and seal clubbing as "barbaric".
No, I'm not saying he is gay. I would never insult the gay community like that.
I'm not even saying he's British.
I'm just saying Hugh Jackman is a goober. And when I see him, I can't help but rip off my shirt and start throwing tanks. Don't be fooled by chest hair and Van Helsing - the mere sight of Hugh Jackman makes me breath fire and step on thousands of Japanese people.
Wait, Godzilla isn't a super hero. Mothra is.
Luckily for all of you who are getting concerned that I might throw a tank through your living room - my one weakness has already been discovered. The one thing that will stop me from popping off the "Sexiest Man Alive's" head like so many beer caps -
I think I need to be alone for a few minutes.