Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Volcanomina

Girls think guy's are dumb; truth is we are unchallenged. I can't figure out how to not piss on the seat - but if you show me a picture of lava I have already devised a system of levers and pulleys to lower giant objects into the magma.

Who wants to flash fry a turkey?

No?

How about a fucking cow. That shit's potent.

When a guy sees footage of lava his mind goes racing. There should be a safety warning before Destroyed In Seconds begins.

"This program rated M for mature and contains strong language, nudity and fucking lava."

One time I saw a show about lava and blacked out for two hours. When I woke up I had hijacked a towtruck and was using the crane to lower a futon into the Cuyahoga River.

Hey - it isn't lava but it burns.

Lava is one of those things God put on earth for guys to fuck with. It also may have something to do with platectonics - but mostly the stuff about guys. He figures he'll create lava, fireworks and Tabasco sauce to kill off a few men every year and balance out the population.

And is it our fault? We start out careful enough. We take the right precautions and test things out to see how unsafe and how hot...

Shit, cow's done - who wants steak?

18 comments:

HBee said...

OK...WOW. Just WOW. My only other suggestion is that you could try sitting down. Don't shoot me! Because you never know, you might just like relaxing and others will, undoubtably, enjoy having a dry seat. ALSO, no one will doubt your manliness b/c you can shut and lock the bathroom door. No one has to know!!! It's genius. Try it.

moooooog35 said...

On a related note:

Lava soap = not as exciting as it sounds.

Hex said...

You could lower a futon into a pit filled with couches, and it won't make it any less comfortable to sit or sleep on.

Marie said...

Avoid pissing on a toilet seat by

1. Aim in big round bowl/hole/what have you
2. Fire
3. Do not move around while in the process of peeing

There you have it!

stealthnerd said...

I think I'm coming to your house for Thanksgiving.

lacochran said...

"I can't figure out how to not piss on the seat"

I don't know how you guys walk around with those things.--E. Benes

Nilsa said...

We used to have a lava lamp at work. How does that work into your system of levers and pulleys?

LBluca77 said...

Seriously why is peeing in the toilet so difficult for boys? I like hbee suggestion of to try sitting down.

Giggle Pixie said...

Sounds like you're watching waaaaaay too much Discovery Channel.

:-)

Heff said...

Dude !!! You're not supposed to tell girls we're not dumb ! Now I've got to go piss on the toilet seat again to prove otherwise !

Arjewtino said...

It all started for us in childhood when we tried to use couches and cushions to avoid stepping on the carpet...er, lava.

Megkathleen said...

Wow, there are just so many things I don't know about the other sex. I had zero idea about the fascination about lava.

fiona said...

Are you hinting already for christmas pressies? Lava AND a bigger toilet bowl?

Christina_the_wench said...

Noone else will get this, but think of the possibilities of lowering the Gilboa cow into some lava. You know you'd try it.

Kristen said...

Oh see?

My husband is really into fire more than lava.

He really, really likes setting stuff on fire.

Please don't mention to him about lava. He makes enough of a mess as it is.

Fizzgig said...

hmmm how about putting that super big thing with the molecules that I barely remember was going to end the world a few months back and put us in a wormhole, into the lava? That sounds like a good idea. But what if it sucks the lava into a wormhole, and there is no more? Would Hawaii disappear?

surviving myself said...

You sir, are a fucking genius. A post about lava? Fucking awesome.

wc#3 said...

I was just thinking about this, then I saw Marie's reply... ever notice how girls love to instruct men on how to aim, though they have little, if any, experience? No womder they all voted for Mr. O.