Sunday, September 21, 2008

I'm Into Goth Chicks

I am ok with the fact that when a vampire bites you, you turn into a vampire. I get that. I'm not here to question Count Chocula.

But here is the thing.

If I get in a bar fight with a vampire because he thinks I was hitting on his girlfriend when really SHE came up to ME and asked where I got my shoes, because, lets face it - they are pretty sweet. How was I supposed to know she was the bride of the undead? And seriously, Count, lighten up - I realize you don't ever get to see the sun so you might have a little Seasonal Affective Disorder but there was that one summer when I worked third shift and it didn't turn ME into an asshole.

Anyways let's say the Wahhh-pire and I get in a bar fight - and I get some of his blood into an open wound of mine. Do I turn into a vampire?

I mean it is pretty clear that the zombie virus is transferred by blood - and if you get zombie blood in your blood - you had better start practicing dragging one of your legs behind you and trying to catch Rachel Ray's "How to Cook A Human in 30 Minutes of Less!" BUT - does the same hold true for vampires?

Or are vampires like big mosquitos with bad hair and shitty accents? Do they HAVE to bite you and get some of their saliva into your blood stream?

I'd like to know how to defend myself against a possible Dracula attack - because seriously, dude's girlfriend is HOT.

21 comments:

Mon said...

I think you would turn into the undead if you get their blood in your system. I mean...wasn't that in the Lost Boys? It is, after all...THE best movie that involves vampires. Besides Once Bitten...

surviving myself said...

I bet she's a whore, so don't even worry about Drac. Just put on some Old Spic and she'll want you.

Ben said...

High five for matching zombie references in today's posts!

catscratch said...

You'll be cool. Just eat some garlic drenched food. You'll smell scary for a day or two, but it should treat it just right.

Why is it those kind always have such shitty Mcditty attitudes?

Karen said...

"Where did you get your shoes?" is totally code for "I want to fuck."

Deutlich said...

aaahh! blood swapping?!

no bueno!

Leah said...

I think it's saliva-blood transmitted. Cause, when they bite you, they don't drawa their own blood!

MsPuddin said...

onions? no cucumbers! No I mean garlic!!

fuck it. vegetables.

So@24 said...

You got a girl to approach you and comment on your shoes?

They were a pair of Air Jordan's weren't they? British Knights?

LBluca77 said...

I am going to use the "where did you get your shoes" line next time I see some boy who's neck I want to sink my teeth into.

pj said...

I am pretty sure vampires are like snakes. The Venom is the dangerous part, hence it only comes from a bite. Snake blood is not harmful.. Actually I don't know but it makes sense. Mon is right though lost boys is the holy grail of vampire movies.

Christina_the_wench said...

I don't think I've ever been that drunk.

*makes sign of the cross*

Stay over there just in case.

Marie said...

Probably want to add a dash of holy water, bite on a piece of garlic and make sure ol' Drac doesn't bite you cause then I think you're definitely a goner. I'm going by Bram Stoker's instructions.

By the way, have something for you on my blog.

Alexa said...

who gets into bar fights?!? apparently you do.

i like vampire weekend. same thing?

didn't think so.

Kristen said...

I think you have to get the saliva in your blood to become a vampire. Also, they have to want to make you a vampire. It doesn't happen by accident.

I am an expert on vampires because I watched Moonlight for a whole season before they effing cancelled it.

Bastards.

Nilsa S. said...

If you'd quite being such a metrosexual, you wouldn't have encounters like this, now would you?!

c.watson said...

When in doubt just stake the guy. I think this rule applies for all important social occasions as well not just vampire encounters.

-Pizza guy took 34 minutes instead of 30? Stake him.
-Guy at bar hits yyour arm causing you to slosh some of your beer? Stake him.
-Bum asks for a quarter? Stake him.

See it really is so useful.

Maxie said...

I'm like 99% sure you're going to turn into a vampire tomorrow.

Angela said...

I'm pretty sure that in order to be turned into a vampire, the vampire not only has to bite you, but then you have to drink some of the vampire's own blood.

So. As long as both of those events did NOT happen, I think you're safe.

just a girl... said...

I so dont get the whole zombie thing. But yeah I guess screwing a vampire is cool? Next time let us know more about the shoes. What color are they? WTF are they so cool? How about a damn pick of said shoe.

Poetry Sue said...

In most scientific circles it is accepted that you must have been bitten by a vampire to turn into one. Since Vampires have no heartbeat it would be difficult to assume that they have blood of their own...

Hmm but it sure would be nice to watch a someone beat the crap out of a punk ass vampire whiner. If he had really known what he was doing he would have turned her into a blood slave and she would never have even noticed you...