Last night I was at the coffee shop that seems to be my new home and they had a DJ set up playing ridiculous music. When I asked what was going on they said it was a "Spotlight". Looking even more confused the nice lady overcharging me for my cup of tea (yeah, I drink tea - ya wanna fightaboutit?) said it was a night of massages, manis and pedis.
Awkward. Both me setting up to work while this is happening and saying the words mani and pedi.
But why a DJ? Maybe if he was playing smooth jazz (which is normally what is played there). But as I entered he did a three song set that went in this order:
Meat Loaf's Paradise by the Dashboard Light
Mickey Mouse Club Theme Song
Sisqo - Thong Song
First off - what? How is that relaxing? Not only are those songs not conducive to massages - but it is impossible not to sing along to the M-I-C K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E! part of that damn song.
Second - who plays those three songs in succession? At no point in your life will this triad of tunage be appropriate. I spent a good five minutes trying to think up a situation where these three songs would work together and came up with nothing. Now I'll never get those five minutes back - or the 3 minutes it took me to write this post. Father Time is really pushing it considering Father's Day was two days ago.
This got me thinking about the worst songs of all time. If you Googlize this question you come up with Starship's "We Built This City". Ok - not the best song evar - but if you are telling me you don't turn this up when you are in the car by yourself and start rocking out only to get busted by that cute blond in the car next to you - you are lying, buddy.
Side note - according to this article, and if it is on the internet it must be true, 30% of men and 26% of women say they flirt DAILY while in traffic. That is crazy. Daily? I don't do anything daily - let alone give eyes to the girl in the car next to me. In fact the only thing I flirt with in the car is danger - because I don't write the rules, baby, I break em.
Aaaaaand we're back.
I think I was talking about the worst song of all time - and if not lets do that now anyways. I have come up with a few - and I want some input from you, my beloved Readers, because you are smarter than me and will make this list much better.
Here's the plan - I am going to nominate a few - and please feel free to also nominate a few - and then I will set up a poll to vote on the worst song ever as picked by a random selection of bloggers with awesome taste. Then we will all do a slow motion high-five that ends in a freeze frame.
Limp Bizkit - Nookie
Poison - Unskinny Bop
Sisqo - Thong Song
Will Smith - Miami
Trace Adkins - Honkey Tonk Badonkadonk
That Trace Adkins song is cheating because pretty much any country song could go in that spot - but that one is spectacularly terrible so I felt it needed to be added.
So what am I missing?