Tuesday, April 1, 2008

If Mammary Serves...

I mentioned boobs in my last post and got a great response so I thought to myself - "Wait...you mean I can mix blogging and boobing? This is better than midget tossing!" Of course I am kidding, I am much more sensitive than that - I used the phrase, "little person tossing". But I digress...

I don't know why ladies...I don't know why guys like boobs so much. Is there nicotine in them somewhere? Or crack? Are boobs made out of the same thing as The Deadliest Catch on the Discovery Channel - because I can't take my eyes off either one. Is there a patch I can wear so my eyes don't travel down the Cleavage Canal? Maybe hypnosis or drugs? I get thirteen emails a day to make my "love machine" bigger - how about something that helps me finish sentences when a girl wears a tube top?

Does this make me shallow? Hell yes it does! Where have you been?

BUT

Don't let this make you think you are better than us, Lady Reader. Here's the thing - I am physically attracted to a good looking girl. I can't help it! It isn't even my fault! When a cute girl walks by being all jiggly-wiggly-like, its not my fault that I get all antsy in my pantsy (ok I will officially retire this phrase now). If I could control this urge, trust me, I would - and junior high would have been a whole helluva lot easier.

But alas, I cannot help the fact that I am physically attracted to someone. That being said, how often do girls think a guy is unattractive until they hear the word "doctor" or "lawyer" or, in simpler terms, "money". So wait - I am shallow because I see someone and am attracted to them (even though it is out of my control, mind you) but girls are NOT shallow for thinking a guy is good looking just because he drives a nice car? How does this work?

So I ask you, Ladies, to defend yourselves on this one. Please don't say it isn't true, because we all know either you are one of your friends is / has dated a guy solely based on the bulge in his pants (his thick wallet, perverts). Why do guys get a bad rep for something they can't control, yet girls have some magic bloody glove when it comes to being twice as shallow?

14 comments:

jenn said...

Fair assessment, but not a fair fight. The girls that Status shop generally advertise themselves loud and clear. Rarely do they sell it as anything else. Their tackiness inevitably buries the good girls. In a competition, how often does to good guy or in this case, girl, win??

luminous said...

well.
i must admit, im pretty shallow myself, when it comes to boys. i like boys who wear nice sneakers.i dont like boys who go out in formal shoes.so i guess i understand your boob fetish.i think???we all have a lil bit of 'shallow' in us inn'it???

Alexa said...

while money is nice in a boy, er man. i feel like throwing my independent woman i have enough money to buy what i want flag.

a women who searches for a man with money is so tacky. it is completely fake and plastic and a smart man sees right through it, it is the stupid men with money that obviously have small penises that need the plastic girls.

when a boy you love happens to have money it is like a bonus, but it isn't every. personally i'd rather like his family or see that he has some sort of ambition to at least attempt to make money in the future.

so narmster i don't think that all girls are that shallow. well at least i'm not. which obviously makes me the coolest.

Narm said...

Jenn - Good point - I guess the good girls get lost in the process. It seems the good girls and the good guys are always bitching about the opposite sex - shouldn't it be easier for them to find each other?

Luminous - ha - no question we all have our vices. I hope I didn't come off as acting like I wasn't shallow myself - god knows that isn't the case.

Alexa - no one is arguing that you aren't the coolest ha. And I would love to compare your ambition comment from a guys perspective but I don't think we can say, "I like her ambition to have a bigger chest." Kidding - I see your point - the money isn't the attraction, just an added bonus. Like a girl with a hot sister (kidding again).

Momo said...

Um, considering that my B cup (TMI? ha I have no shame -- I can jog with ONE sports bra, not two) is NOT exactly throwing cleavage in anyone's face (I wish!), I guess my free drinks are from what? My lovely smile? There has to be something more to the drinks than the boobs, Nom, because otherwise, I'd be really left out. :(

BloggingJason said...

I don't think my chesticles win me any door prizes, Nom. I simply rely on a snappy personality, a full smile, and a reputation of putting out at the end of the night to make sure I get crunk on the cheap.

Claire said...

I must agree that it is an added bonus. Girl version: I like him AND he can buy me dinner? Score. Guy version: I like her AND she gives me private pole dances? Score.

I kid.

On the other hand, as a woman, I also give points to guys who I know don't have a lot of money but make the sacrifice to woo me. I'm not talking about a weekend getaway. I am low key. I am talking about a $5 drink.

P.S. How did I get to a place in my life where a $5 drink is the norm/a deal?

Narm said...

Momo - it isn't necessarily the size - just the fact that they exist. We aren't overly picky.

BloggingJason - you lil hussy

Claire - first off, I love the word woo. Second - in my hometown they sell beer for $2 and it comes in a can. I can get drunk with the change in the couch cushions there and have to take out a loan here. Price we pay for living in this metropolis.

Amanda McCoy said...

I cannot even begin to defend females on this one...you know it angers me when you stereotype. If I got started, it would get heated and I would go on and on. Nom, when are you going to realize there are lots of different types of girls?!

Allison M. said...

Just like guys, most girls (at least I am) is physically attracted to a guy. I'm not going to date an old guy with old balls because he's a doctor/owns an oil company/or inherited daddy's money. Guys in their 20s can still make more money. 50-year-old's still have old balls -- and they aren't getting any better with age.

Momo said...

HAHAHA. I love Allison's response.

Narm said...

Amanda - I know you hate it but look around and you'll see way more blogs stereotyping guys than girls. I am trying to represent the male perspective in a sea of manhatin.

Allison - funniest comment ever. I feel the need to get married immediately before my balls age anymore. I didn't realize level of attraction was directly related to age of balls. Lets never discuss this again.

Momo - me too - though now I feel dirty.

Allison M. said...

Anytime. Don't even get me started on the saggy ass part But, that's for another post.


Have I made you all sick to your stomach's now?

Karen said...

Haven't done these things, but sure have lost the power of speech and breathing and just drooled over a sweet ass, toned back, muscular shoulders and forearms.
Hoo, yeah !!